They Not Like Us. But Sometimes They ARE - Finding Female Allies in Your Workplace

Okay, let’s be real. The workplace can sometimes feel like a never-ending episode of Survivor, except instead of fire-making challenges, you’re dodging credit-stealers, passive-aggressive emails, and the dreaded “Can you take notes?” request. And while we’d love to believe that every woman in the office is a built-in ally, that’s not always the case.

But here’s the thing - sometimes, they ARE like us. Sometimes, that seemingly aloof coworker or that super-polished executive is secretly rolling her eyes just as hard as you when Todd interrupts for the fourth time. The trick? Finding these hidden allies and building connections that make challenging workplaces a little more bearable.

So, grab your coffee (or wine, no judgment), and let’s talk about how to spot and cultivate those game-changing female friendships at work.

The “Not-Like-Other-Girls” Myth

We’ve all met her. The woman who swears, “I just get along better with men,” like it’s some sort of personality trait. And sure, some women thrive in male-dominated spaces, but the idea that we’re all in constant competition is one of the biggest scams the workplace has ever sold us.

The truth? The real boss move is having female allies. Women who have your back, lift you up, and—most importantly—help you decode those super vague emails from your manager.

In a toxic workplace, it’s easy to assume everyone’s out for themselves. But that’s not always true. Sometimes, the best allies are the ones you least expect.

How to Spot Your Workplace Allies

Finding your people at work is kind of like dating, you need to read the signs, test the waters, and make sure they’re not secretly working against you (looking at you, Susan from HR who “forgot” to forward that email). Here’s how to tell if you’ve got an ally in your midst:

1. The Small Acts of Rebellion

• She subtly redirects credit back to you in meetings.

• She doesn’t make you feel like a crazy person when you vent about office nonsense.

• She sends you the “this meeting could’ve been an email” look from across the room.

These are the women to watch.

2. The No-Nonsense Advocate

This woman doesn’t play:

• She calls out double standards.

• She makes sure the only person making coffee in the office isn’t you.

• She doesn’t let Chad mansplain your own idea back to you.

If she exists in your office, cling to her immediately.

3. The “I See You” Woman

Sometimes, allies don’t storm the boardroom demanding justice. Sometimes, they’re the ones who drop a casual “Yeah, that was super frustrating” after a tough meeting. They see the nonsense, acknowledge it, and let you know you’re not imagining things. That kind of validation is priceless.

4. The One Who People Go To for Advice

If half the office secretly runs to her for career advice, workplace gossip, or just a sanity check, she’s probably worth knowing. Women like this have influence, and they’re often looking out for others without making a big show of it.

How to Build Those Workplace Friendships Without It Getting Weird

So you’ve found some potential allies. Now what? You don’t want to just walk up and say, “Hey, want to form a secret alliance against office toxicity?” (…Or maybe you do. That could be fun.) Instead, try this:

1. Start Small

You don’t have to dive into deep conversations about workplace inequality on Day 1. Start with a casual, “Ugh, that meeting was brutal” or a shared side-eye moment during an all-staff Zoom call.

2. Test the Waters with a Little Vulnerability

Bringing up small frustrations (“Is it just me, or does this project feel… wildly unclear?”) can open the door for real talk. If she responds with “OMG YES!,” you’re on the right track. If she runs straight to your boss? Abort mission.

3. Have Each Other’s Backs

If she speaks up in a meeting and someone steamrolls her, jump in: “I think Sarah was making a great point—let’s circle back to that.” Small moves like this build trust, and trust is everything.

4. Expand the Circle

Once you’ve got one solid ally, don’t stop there. Toxic workplaces thrive when people feel isolated, so the more women you pull into the circle, the harder it is for the nonsense to continue.

Why It Matters

Look, we can’t always control our work environments, but we can control who we surround ourselves with. Having strong female allies doesn’t just make the day-to-day more bearable—it makes you stronger, more confident, and better equipped to push back against workplace toxicity.

So next time you assume another woman wouldn’t get it, take a second look. Sometimes, they ARE like us—just waiting for someone to pass the “Can you believe this nonsense?” baton.

And once you find each other? Game on.